Week 13: Can We Be Friends?
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31
I fondly remember our wedding day. It is special to be able to walk into the sanctuary today and recall where Amanda and I said our vows. After the ceremony as we walked to the back I will never forget our first words. Amanda looked at me and said, “Do you feel any different?” In the emotion of the event I guess we expected some huge change once we said “I do.” Those changes would come, but not all at once. One of the biggest changes I noted would occur in friendships. I had friends from singleness that built a relationship with me, but now there were two of us. Everyone who loved me loved Amanda, but the relationships changed. Since the two had become one, if they were going to remain close friends, they had to also bring her into the relationship. A simple fact emerged, if they didn’t like my wife then we couldn’t be friends.
Years later while at a church in Livingston, Texas (ironically) I made a comment that if you don’t love the church, then you may not be a Christian. I did not say emphatically one was not a believer who disliked the church. I simply said, “You may not be.” I don’t know anyone’s heart, and barely my own. What I do know is the clarity of Scripture. After the meeting a woman was alarmed that I would say such a comment. “How can you say we aren’t Christians if we don’t love the church?” Come to find out, her husband claimed to be a believer, but had no room for the church in his theology. Her question wasn’t theological, it was personal. I attempted to graciously tell her that if you don’t love the bride of Christ, then you probably don’t love Christ. Just as if you don’t like my wife, you probably have issues with me. The two are one. There’s no getting around that.
There are many people who proudly say, “You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian.” To that I’d say biblically: “Going to church is not your salvation, Jesus alone is! Being a part of the church is evidence of your salvation.” So do you have to go to church? If you are a believer…yes! There is no way around that biblically. If you think there is a way around it, then please explain how you can be a part of the body of Christ (the Church) but not be in the body (Ephesians 2:19)? Explain how you will use your spiritual gifts on the body if you are not in the body (1 Corinthians 12:1-31)? Explain how you will be accountable to a local body of Christ if you are not in a body (Romans 12:9-21)? The body of Christ is the church…and the church is the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5; Revelation 19:6-9). You can’t love him and hate his wife.
At this point those who are not in a local assembly will remind us how they have been mistreated. I sympathize with you, but let me tell you that your local pastor has been the most mistreated of any person in any church. Just go ask them. They will tell you how people burned them, gossiped about them, wrote nasty letters, threatened them, tried to get them fired, stabbed them in the back, and used them… but praise God that they endured. Jesus said, “Blessed are you when others revile you, and persecute you, and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 6:11-12).” Such treatment is nothing new. Expect it…even in the church, and trust God in the process.
The truth is, the bride of Christ is ugly! He likes them ugly! That’s the only explanation. He takes a broken, ugly, messy wife and says he wants to sanctify her (Ephesians 5:26). He dies for her, and he is coming again for her (Revelation 19). If Jesus is ok with a messy bride, you have to be too. There is no perfect bride out there, so be committed to a broken one. A Christian school needs to have its leaders in a church body. Otherwise, you’re playing Christian. You will find more grace and good in that messy church relationship that honors Christ simply by its broken existence.
Discussion Questions:
Jesus loves his ugly bride. What does that imply about the love he bestows upon us?
How can you biblically encourage those who have dismissed the church?
How can your faithful church membership be a testimony to the students you teach?
